He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
