Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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