Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
