ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
