Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
