she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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