all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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