that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
