atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
