You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
