Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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