Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
