Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
