Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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