i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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