Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
