Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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