You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
