$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
