I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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