i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
