I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
