Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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