Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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