Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
