I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
