i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
