I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
