Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
