That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize