OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
