Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
