shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
