You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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