I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize