Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
