Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
