addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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