11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
