So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just high enough for therapy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize