3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
