Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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