So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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