im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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