My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
