I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
