Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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