You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
