You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
