My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
