Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
