I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
