I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
