So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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