So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
