after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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