is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
