Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
