Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
