I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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