shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
