I can tuck mytits in my pants
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
