sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
