dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize