just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
