Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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