That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
