my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
