I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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