what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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