All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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